How to Rebuild Your Relationship While Separated and After Divorce.
Separation can be hard for both partners as well as the children involved. After separation from your partner, there are a few things you should and shouldn't do for your own mental, emotional and physical well being as well as that of your partner.
Do's:
- Be respectful and kind towards your partner, even if you have differences. This might not be easy at first. That's why it's important to give yourself time before you start communicating.
- Give time and space to your partner as well. Keep the lines for communication open. This help you both reflect on your actions and decision.
- Write down your own good & bad qualities and also that of your spouse.
- Write down what you seek in a life partner, your expectations, your desires. Write down the pros and cons in your relationship and discuss this with your spouse.
- Establish clear separation goals and timelines. If you wish to be separated temporarily or permanently and what aspect of the marriage that you would really want to work on.
- Take time to focus on yourself, your mental health, and your personal growth. Meditate, prayer, exercise, eat healthy and go for long walks, so that your mind, body and soul are in spiritual alignment with each other.
- Read or listen to positive healing quotes and messages by positive speakers or even positive books on relationship and that of religion via blogs and video blogs online focusing on qualitative solutions to real life marital issues. I found this quote from the bible very insightful. 1 Corinthians 7
- Seek marriage counseling or professional help to work on your relationship differences especially if there is still love in the connection and also if there are children, property or business assets involved.
- Instead of getting lawyers or accountants involved right away , first figure out your things together and take advice from the same financial or legal advisor together about whether are not you wanna pay or receive alimony or one time full compensation for the time invested in the relationship, child support for the partner caring for the children, the amount of share in property or bussiness assets.
Don't:
- Dont pressure your partner into reconciliation or rush the process because that will only cause more rifts between the two and drive them further away and leave no room for communication.
- Don't get into a rebound relationship or sexual affairs, as it may hinder your chances of reconciliation, especially if love still exist in the relationship.
- Don't get habituated to any addiction, whether alcohol, drugs or porn. While it feels gratifying and numbs the pain for sometime , it can turn into long term never ending addiction
- Do not involve your children in the separation process, as it can negatively impact their wellbeing. They are not to feel blamed or forced to take sides. Let the children stay together with one parent or both parents, guardians or grandparents till you both come to a decision. And be kind to the children. They too will suffer from repercussion of a divorce. For example separation anxiety etc.
- Don't discuss negative aspects of your relationship with others or on social media. Don't make your relationship an entertainment for the world. Not everyone cares among family, relatives or friends. They will only look at you both as an immature couple making bad decisions.
-Don't engage in conflict, a blame-game pointing fingers at each other. Because unthought through words and actions can only cause further harm to the relationship which was initially built on love. Plus it will only reflect poorly on you for being so negative. Both are equally to blame for not communicating your differences when things were on calmer shores.
- Don't have unrealistic or wrong assumptions or expectations about the separation process. Understand clearly why your'll have separated to know for sure if there any grounds left for reconciliation instead of having false hope of reunion or assuming that your spouse only did this to spite you.
Remember, separation can be an opportunity to rebuild your relationship, but it must be handled with care, respect, and love. Separation doesn't mean that your spouse of several years suddenly becomes your enemy or nemesis. Your ex-spouse can also become your friend or trusted companion for life, if things are handled respectfully. Time heals all wounds, even the big ones. After all, both of you deserve a chance at happiness moving forward.
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